So Far in 2019
Long time, no posting.
Who else chose a word for 2019? My word for the year of 2019 is: PASSION.
The start of this year involved a lottt of praying, hard work, some playing, and then even more praying. Praying for insight on the next step in my career, playing via traveling and experiencing new places, working more than I thought I could, and then solid, tear-inducing praying about what 2019 holds for me.
In 9th grade English class, I wrote a poem about what I wanted to be when I grew up, a psychologist. Here’s the second half. Oof, please no judgment on my choice of words back then. Face. Palm. No I didn’t get a doctorate in psychology, but I did major in it for undergrad!
I can’t really tell you when I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. Oh shoot, does this mean I’m a grown up? (I still think I have a solid second career as someone’s personal assistant), but I have always had a passion to help others. There was a brief period where I wanted to become a vet. I quickly realized I could never give shots or be responsible for someone’s life that way. Anddd yet here we are, where instead of treating with shots and surgeries, I treat with validation, science, and a lot of motivational interviewing.
I entered 2019 knowing this year would be different. The last year and a half were full of grief and growth, full of picking myself up when I was down, looking for the strength to fight again. When that ball dropped and the clock struck midnight on December 31, I was ready. Ready to accomplish the goals I had set for myself years ago. The ones that seemed so far away at the time, so out of reach. How was I ever going to complete the 3000 hours of supervised clinical work? What therapy model would I practice? What if none of the families or individuals I saw came back? What if I SUCKED at this job that I had envisioned myself doing for so long? PASSION. Was the answer to them all.
The end of 2018 felt like I took all of those questions and many of my uncertainties and just threw them straight into the trash can labeled “PAST”. I know I can’t be the only one who felt like 2018 was a roughhhh year. So 2019 was, and is, going to be different.
Of course I question myself sometimes if I am actually good at this job. But, I’m here. And I feel passionate about the work I do and the people I serve. I am honored to get to hear other’s stories and how they got where they are. I joined a team of terrific professionals who all share that same passion and drive as me to help others in our community. I feel renewed in my desire to learn about different treatment modalities. [I also feel EXHAUSTED from continuing to work on a crisis team throughout all of this]. But this career move allows me to really begin focusing on what I am truly passionate about; preventing child abuse and neglect, speaking on resilience and grief, while working with individuals impacted by grief and trauma. And most importantly, to have time for adventuring, traveling with friends/loved ones, reading, writing, and doing all the things I love but couldn’t seem to find the time for before.
I get to serve on a board of young professionals for SAFEchild - a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing child abuse in Wake County, NC, planning awareness events. And I now can say I work as a psychotherapist for a private practice, serving families, couples, individuals, and adolescents. I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be for the moment. Sure some days I still struggle. I still beat myself up for saying what I feel was the wrong thing during session, wondering if that client will return again. I am not immune to the thoughts of imposter syndrome either. I know I don’t have it all figured out yet.
But when I begin to question myself, I look back at the poem from 9th grade. I look back at the hard work that got me where I am today. I look at where my heart gets pulled, the causes I feel drawn too, the stories that bring me to tears. And I look to my parents. My role models. The people who constantly instilled in me the desire to love others, care for someone other than myself, and to find a mission to stand behind. To find my passion. I feel so lucky to be able to do what I do and carry these skills with me wherever life takes me.
Look mom and dad, I made it. I accomplished one of my goals, and I am so excited to embrace my passions for this year ahead.
What are some of your goals for 2019?! I’d love to hear about them and all that you are accomplishing! <3